Saturday, February 24, 2007

To all the guys out there..

A "Damsel from Bombay " Mayuri's... response to "To all the girls out there.... A humble request"

Please Note: Published with due permissions from Mayuri and for the benefit of all the guys.


"
First things first, I absolutely abhor this addressing guys as ‘Bhaiyya’ business.’ I swear, even my trusted subziwala packs in inferior vegetables when I address him as ‘Bhaiyya’, though my mother vehemently disagrees, citing my annual visits as the real reason.
So imagine the plight of those guys who are addressed as ‘Bhaiyya’ by every Priya, Pinky and Pooja whom they see in ‘that way.’

‘I can’t look at you in that way’, is a line I am guilty of using more times than I would like to admit.

When I was younger, foolish and pushed into a corner and asked to elaborate on why I couldn’t see them ‘that way’, to save my skin and the guys feelings, I’d blurt out ‘Because you are like my brother.’

Though those guys weren’t anything remotely like my brother who, while we're on the subject, is a strapping, tall, dark, handsome, though sometimes very exasperating, lad. Because, if they would be anything like him, minus the exasperating bit, I wouldn’t be using the line ‘I can’t look at you that way’ in the first place.

However, having grown older and wiser, besides realizing and accepting the fact that no Indians are my bothers, except one, I am now am honest enough to not use the ‘Because you are like my brother’ line.

Now, when pushed into a corner and asked to elaborate on the ‘Why’ after telling them ‘I can’t look at you that way’ I quell their bubbling curiosity by enlightening them with the precise reason.
Then as I walk away, I hear faint wisps of words like, ‘...thinks no end of her self...’ , ‘choke her or strangle her?’ and assorted other similar terminology floating my way ;))

The reasons a girl declines coffee could surprise you and the biggest surprise is that you hardly figure in any of the reasons.
Ranging from the fact that coffee is not the brew of her choice to maybe she doesn’t like the cutlery in the particular place you were asking her out to (warned ya you’d be surprised!)

What? You didn’t mention any place, yet?

Oh! Oh! What color shirt were you wearing when you asked, then? (Sorry, orange reminds her of the Shiv Sena) What cologne were you wearing? (Sporty colognes remind her of the *&%$#@ ex-boyfriend) Were your shoes right? (Badly scuffed shoes remind her of her horribly cruel PT teacher from school)

So, you see, It’s Not About You.

You think it about looks then? Wrong, again!

Ok, let me explain something more. It is never, ever about good looks and the perfect physique for girls, contrary to what guys think. You don’t believe me?

Ok.

Look around you and tell me who is the hottest hunk women drool over right now? Go, on.
It’s Abhishek Bachchan. Does he have the perfect abs? (Not. He even has a bit of a tummy for God’s sake!) Besides a tummy, he has the worst hair and hairstyle in the history of mankind and don’t even get me started about his ungainly gait and the extra weight!

But girls drool over him more than they drool over Hritik Roshan, who has the six-pack, the right hair and hairstyle and chiseled face and what not!
Why? Only God, and the girls, know.

So don’t ever try to fathom why a girl turns down coffee and trust me when I say It’s Not About You.

Just smile your smile, be yourself and try asking a girl out with a ‘Would you like to join me for a glass of Orange Juice’, instead.
Either she’ll be too stunned to react and just nod a submissive ‘Yes’, or her mind will start whirring faster than the cash register at her favorite boutique and she’ll connect things you can’t even dream of, for instance
‘heaskedmeoutforanorangejuice
-thatsmeansheisadifferentsortaguy-

whichmeansibettersnaghimbeforeanyofmyfriendsdo.’

And before you know it you’ll be sitting across her, nourishing your health with Vitamin C and nourishing your ego with the smiles she’s flashing your way and maybe, just maybe she’ll start thinking of you and seeing you in ‘that way.’
;)
"

5 comments:

Ruchika said...

Really liked your tagline "If I try it, I will risk failure..."!

This post brings out a bit of a stereotype, but nonetheless its amusing and a nice read! And hell, I hate "making brothers" out of every guy too!

PritS said...

I guess we have discussed it at length and I dont need to post any comment here. :)

Still great going. I am sure I will ask any girl for a orange juice for sure.

Chander Dogra said...

orange juice is going to bring a revolution in the history of MANkind.
Now that Goli you have the insider's knowledge, go for it.

Goli said...

@ruchika... I also know that it is some cliche kind of post. But still I sort of wanted to put it down.

@prits... Yups sir, please go for it.

@chander... Yups I think it might, and then all the barista and coffeeday people might sue us.

Reema Banerjee said...

i so agree...last time i turned a guy down was coz he was wearing pink...standing with one foot arched (irritates me immensely) while shaking the other (restless!), was wearing cologne that was messing up my smell sense, and coz i hated the judicious grammatical errors in his sentence.
so u see...it aint abt u...its abt so much more!
bhaiyya, lolz. we hate being called behena too